“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
Don’t take things personally….yeah, right! Easier said than done!!
I used to take anything and everything people said personally. If they looked at me in a strange way, I took it personally. If they seemed angry when they talked with me, I took it personally. If I was not invited to participate in an event or gathering, I took it personally. If they forgot to tell me something and I found out another way, I took it personally.
I was miserable all day … every day!
People kept telling me to get a ‘thicker skin.’ I did not know how to do that.
However, I did find a way to become “immune to the opinions and actions of others” and to stop suffering so I can create closer relationships with others and feel happiness all throughout my day.
Take a moment to choose now if you want to continue to be hurt and disappointed by the actions of others…or if you will read on to discover how I learned to rise above what others do so you can also move forward towards your goals with velocity and ease.
Thanks for continuing with me as we explore how we can rise above what others say and do…and become ‘immune’ to their actions.
The #1 way I discovered to stop taking things personally is to ask questions!!
One day, I was complaining to someone about how hurt I felt by the actions of another person. The person listening to my complaint stopped me by saying, “Do you know for sure that the person intended to hurt you?”
I thought about the question for a moment. The person who I felt hurt my feelings was a long-time friend. That was the reason why what she said felt so impactful to me. And, although, I did take personally what she said, I did not know for sure if she meant to say it to be hurtful…or helpful.
There was only one way to find out – ask her if she had intended to be cruel and hurtful with her comments.
Because I did not want to end our long-term friendship without knowing, I summoned up the courage to ask her what she meant by what she said.
As it turned out, I actually did not hear her correctly. What she actually said and what I thought I heard were two different statements. Through my own filter created by my past experiences, I added context to what she said.
By asking her to clarify what she said, I discovered that I had made assumptions about what she said…and it was those assumptions that caused me to feel badly. My hurt feelings were caused by my own thoughts.
As a result of that experience, I wondered how often I had made assumptions in other situations where I felt the other person had wronged me.
I resolved that in the future, as soon as I notice myself taking something personally, I will ask the other person questions to clarify what I feel I heard or thought I experienced.
Some questions that I ask are…
1. Would you please repeat what you said? I am not sure I heard it fully.
2. Can you explain to me what you mean by what you just said?
3. Was there a reason that you chose not to include me in (meeting, event, gathering, etc.)?
4. I noticed while I was talking that you had a strange look on your face. What
do you feel about what I just said?
I have found that 9 times out of 10, what was causing me to feel hurt or uncomfortable had nothing to do with me.
In the 1 out of 10 times, it does…asking questions for clarification helps me and the other person to resolve whatever issue may be developing between us.
And, I use these experiences in developing my Strategic Attraction Plans to attract the type of people I choose to have in my life. To learn more about how creating your own Strategic Attraction Plan can assist you to attract more supportive people into your life, visit www.BeAnAttractionMaster.com.
Chi-To-Be! Attraction Master™ Corey S. provides insight to his relationship with this Agreement: “I used to allow others to ‘grind my gears’. Now I realize and understand that we all have different ways in which we view life. My interpretation of a situation may be completely different from another’s and, from that understanding, I can let go of whatever negative thoughts arise because I no longer allow their lives to affect mine.”
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like these posts on Harmoniously Powerful Agreements… CLICK HERE to read them.
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Stacey Hall, L.S.H., C.N.T.C., C.A.C, C.R.T.S.
Success Coach, Speaker, Best-Selling Author
CEO, Chi-To-Be!, LLC