If You Want to Be Understood, Here’s How to Say It

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“Every man supposes himself not to be fully understood or appreciated.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

I AM Heard and Understood
 

I have coached many people who begin their coaching session with me in a state of frustration because they have recently had one of these 3 experiences…
 

1. They feel that they are often not being understood by others.
2. They are having arguments with others over misunderstandings.
AND/ OR…
3. They are wondering why others do not do what they are asking them to do.

 

They feel that the problem is always with the other person. And, they are ready to tear their hair out because “no one is listening” to them.
 

They don’t like it very much at first, when I explain that each of us is responsible for being understood by others.
 

So, I offer them simple solutions so they can be heard by others more clearly, effectively and successfully.
 

Here are a few of my simple solutions that begin with questions I ask myself to ensure I am heard by others in the way I intend to be heard and understood:

  1. Have I determined that I am making a wise decision in choosing this person to receive and take action on my request? Of course, there are times when the only way to find out is to actually ask the person for their assistance.
  2. If it is an on-going request, have I made the request in writing so that the other person can refer to it over and over again if necessary?
  3. Have I been specific in terms of the date and time by when I want to receive their reply?
  4. Have I been specific in terms of how I want to receive their reply – in-person, phone, email, Facebook, etc.?
  5. Have I explained the reason for making the request and the end result that I expect to receive so that the other person has sufficient understanding of the scope of the request?
  6. If the request is related to a large and important project, have I created short-term due dates and agreements to monitor the progress of the project along the way?
  7. Have I read and re-read my written request to ensure that I would understand it if I received it from someone else?

Only after I have completed answering all of the above questions do I send or deliver my request to the other person.
 

And, then I make sure I receive an agreement – in writing -- from the other person that they will accept my request by the day and time I have requested.
 

Before I began accepting that I am accountable for this process, I experienced a lot of wear and tear on my emotions. The stress of wondering whether or not someone would actually follow-through on a request I made would often lead to sleepless nights.
 

Now, if I choose to make a request without completing all the above steps, then I make a mental note to myself to expect that I may not get the result I intend to get.
 

This is important because it reminds me that it would be silly to get frustrated if I do not get the result I want….since I am ultimately responsible for that result.
 

This is especially true if I am making a request of my husband. Since we make many requests of each other throughout the day, we often choose to not put our requests in writing…and often we do have a misunderstanding. At these times, I do my best to stay calm and realize that my request had not been clearly conveyed to my husband in a way that ensured I would receive what I requested.
 

understanding
 

Of course, I can do all the steps above and still not get the intended result. When that happens, here’s how I handle it to keep my own energy high:

  1. I ask the other person what they understood from my instructions and I wait for them to reply so that I can understand where I did not clearly state my request. I then clarify my request and determine if they are willing to accept my request.
  2. If they are not willing or they are unable to accept my request, I say ‘thank you.’ And, then I consider other ways for accomplishing my goal. I also update my Strategic Attraction Plan (Click here for more information about how to create a simple 4-step Strategic Attraction Plan) for attracting people into my life who are willing, able and competent to support me in achieving my goals.
  3. If they are willing and able to accept my request, I co-create with them a new agreement. The new agreement is put into writing and we both receive a copy.

Now, if a request is not fulfilled, I use it as an opportunity to improve the clarity of my communication, as well as my clarity in attracting the perfect people to assist me in achieving my goals as I keep my eye firmly focused on how to most effectively and successfully achieve my goals.

 

Thanks for commenting below on how this
Attraction Tip made a difference for you.
And, feel free to tag and share, too!

 

As always, thank you for sharing this Attraction Tip with your team members, co-workers, friends and family…any one you feel would enjoy being more ‘attractive’ with what they desire to have in their lives to achieve their goals with velocity and ease.
 

And here are a few tips to be even more attractive!
 

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1. Take the Short-Cut to 'The Attraction Zone'. Watch my short 'attractive' video at
www.BeAnAttractionMaster.Com

 
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2. Read Chapters 4 and 5 Chi-To-Be! Achieving Your Ultimate B-All’ or Listen to the ‘Chi-To-Be! Basic Series CDs’ for more Energy Surges and tips related to this Attraction Tip.


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3. For an added boost of energy towards setting your goals, join me and other Attraction Masters on our Facebook fan page at:
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4. Join the Chi-To-Be! Facebook group and/or the Chi-To-Be! LinkedIN group.
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5. You can also join us every Tuesday on Blab at https://blab.im/AttractionZone

You can watch past Blab's on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKv-Sx_43p_pJwYZSPdQojzFTRWDZ8idx


 

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6. Join us for the Attraction Circle of Power Hour Call 3rd Monday of each month. Call in at 724-444-7444 / Call ID 129714#

 

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into a Powerfully Brilliant Lighthouse!

 

Attractively,
Stacey
 

Stacey Hall, L.S.H., C.N.T.C., C.A.C, C.R.T.S.
Success Coach, Speaker, Best-Selling Author
CEO, Chi-To-Be!, LLC and The Hall Institute of Intuitive Wellness
 

Why be a Searchlight When
You Can BE A Powerfully Attractive Lighthouse?
 

More Attraction Tips at www.chi-to-be.com/attraction-tips
 

Copyright 2010-2016 Stacey Hall and Chi-To-Be!, LLC

 

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  • Dortha Hise

    Stacey, thank you for the clarity you share in this post! Loving it!

  • Kaira Boston

    Great ideas on how to keep my energy up while making and receiving requests.

  • Dawn Schaupert

    This came at a perfect time. I have been putting off sending an email because I was I was not sure she would completely understand me. Now, I am going to compile the email using this Chi-Lift and feel very confident when I send it.

    • Stacey Hall

      That’s the Chi!

  • Lisa Stearns

    It helps so much to prepare before going into an important conversation. As you stated, asking “What outcome do I want…and why” followed by “What does Joe get from my request?” really helps to remain focused, and understand your own expectations.

    Thanks for this great step by step approach.
    Lisa

  • Dawn Schaupert

    My husband and I just had a conversation this morning and I was not clear as I was running out the door. He had worked all night and I know that he is exhausted and just wants to go to bed. I AM going to be asking him things when he wakes up in the event I was not clear with my request.

  • Shannon Callier Rhett

    This attraction tip has reminded me to focus on the people in my life that are trustworthy and have integrity so that I may attract more people like this into my life. I always intend to be clear with my words and make sure that the other person understands what it is I am requesting. I do not take on other peoples lack of commitment as a reflection upon me and I choose not to judge or use my energy trying to figure out why they did not follow through. I simply move on and find another way to fulfill my goals.

  • I have learned how frequently someone does not hear what I intended to convey when I ask them “what did you hear me say”. I now actually say to someone “this is what I heard you say” when I am receiving a request because not everyone is in the habit of asking me what I heard!

  • This is extremely helpful to me, listening to my clients and repeating it in my words as to what I heard them ask me or how they are feeling. Thank you for the reminder Stacey.

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